Adults misunderstanding kids’ questions is the thread we didn’t know we needed – the 24 most awkward
Oonagh Keating. Updated September 13th, 2018
Twitter user, Andy Ryan, told a joke about misinterpreting a child’s question and it went viral because it’s pretty funny. Read it for yourself.
Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other – two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er… read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) September 11, 2018
See -funny, right? But, even though Andy was joking, it reminded a lot of people of genuine misunderstandings in a similar vein, making one of the funniest threads you’ll see this week. These are our 24 favourites.
1
This reminds me when my little brother asked me what a “ho” was and I told him that wasn’t a nice word where did he learn it from? Then he replied “my farming game”— Zainab Alsayegh (@ZainabAls) September 12, 2018
2
Playing murder mystery game with child. Reads character sheet. “Mum what’s porn” “er naughty pictures of ladies naked” “oh, ok” later…..— E_III_R (@E_III_R) September 11, 2018
“And then I had to pawn the necklace to settle my debts”
3
7 year old son was learning to read and asked what semen was. I began to explain but then I started to wander why that word was in a children’s book. So I looked at the page. It said “c’mon”— Liz (@LingoAcademy) September 12, 2018
4
Daughter (rushing in from playing out) “Mum what’s it called when u go on top of another person in bed?”Me “Erm it’s called sex”— Nicky Doherty (@Ndoh71) September 12, 2018
Daughter “OK” (rushes back out)
5 mins later.
Daughter (rushing back in) ” Mum u r wrong – it’s called bunk beds & Emilys mum wants a word with you”
5
My niece asked a question about “French kissing” when she was little, which made for a brief awkward moment until we realized she meant kissing people on alternate cheeks.— Michael Hat ︽✵︽ (@RexDart1) September 12, 2018
6
Child: mom, how do you spell “penis”?— Zina Petersen (@ZinaNPetersen) September 12, 2018
Mom: Uh. P E N—what’s the context, baby?
Child: I’m writing a Fathers Day card!
Mom: !!!!?!!
Child: And I’m saying “wishing you happiness” and I got the “hap” part already!
7
My mum’s fave story to tell is when my sister (about 5yo at the time) asked what a rooster was. After trying to keep cool and explain that it was a rude word, the full sentence was revealed as “The rooster crowed at dawn.”— Rita Lennon (@RitaELennon) September 12, 2018
8
Wonderful thread! Must add
‘Mummy, where did I come from?’
‘Well, ….. ‘ basic biology ..
Puzzled child ‘ But new boy at school comes from Birmingham ‘
— Norah C (@Norahe7) September 12, 2018
9
My sister-in-law’s 8yr-old son asked her what sperm was. She spent a great deal of time trying to give him his first “talk”. After she was done, she asked him if he understood. He said, “what does that have to do with sperm whales?”
— Colin McGovern (@cmcgovern) September 12, 2018
10
Had a similar situation my daughter asked what a dick-taker was when she was 6 I started to tell her it’s not nice to call people names but then checked where she heard it. The news was talking about Hugo Chavez dying DICTATOR
— roiannenedd (@roiannenedd) September 12, 2018
11
My eldest aged 6 or so asked me what incest was. It emerged that what he actually wanted to know was what the key just above “delete” and below “print screen” did.
— Albert Herring (@Albert_Herring) September 12, 2018
12
My mam told me a story about her being a little kid, and asking her mam if they were b*st*rds. Her mam went wide eyed, chased her round the sofa and said, “What did you say?” thinking someone had been talking crap, turns out mam was trying to say baptist, as in the church
— SWINE (@SWINEOFFICIAL) September 12, 2018
13
I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that asked what “hostages” was. I explained and she still looked confused. My wife asked, “Did you mean sausages?”
She meant sausages.
— Jared Mason (@JaredEMason) September 12, 2018
14
Son asked...mum, what's Vice? I gave explanation suitable for 5yo ears THEN asked why he wanted to know. Eyes like saucers he said "I've been made captain of it in my class"
Carmel @Carmel63984298
Some people cunningly swerved genuinely awkward questions.
15
i was in the car with my son once, and he asked me what a cougar was. i said, “a mountain lion. sometimes they’re called pumas or panthers” without missing a beat. we both knew that isn’t what he meant, but neither of us said anything.
— sister mouzone (@blackgirldating) September 12, 2018
16
We were in the car once with my parents when my brother asked what is a virgin? My dad gave him a lecture on undiscovered land
— Asimah (@asimahNShah) September 12, 2018
17
I’m just reminded of dad’s explanation of “hooker” in a Mad Magazine reference as someone who makes rugs.
— Rick Bruner (@rickbruner) September 12, 2018
Others shared some charmingly innocent childhood misinterpretations.
18
2 years ago, my then 10-yo came to us, novel in hand, and announced “If this means what I THINK I means, I should NOT be reading this book!”
She was appalled that author wrote that two characters had “exchanged pleasantries”.
That term is now our family’s go-to euphemism.
— Just Dave (@d_m_s_1972) September 12, 2018
19
As a young’n I was scandalized by someone “kissing her temple” in a book. I had never heard of a temple before on a body and all the to-do about virginity being sacred made me think it was an obscene act.
— Julie V. (@wishingbee) September 12, 2018
There were also some embarrassing word mix-ups.
20
One of the ‘posh’ girls at our primary school got very confused and answered a question about Queen Elizabeth I with “Elizabeth Vagina”
My how we laughed.
— Webhead (@SarahDirtyHorse) September 12, 2018
(Naptu2's note: I think the answer was meant to be "Elizabeth Regina", that is, "Queen Elizabeth" in Latin)
21
My little nephew called me once and said a doctor wanted to remove his “testicles” and my sis in law screams in the background “tonsils! Omg tonsils!” So it was a rollercoaster of emotion for 30seconds
— K.M. Galvin (@KelsieGalvin) September 12, 2018
22
My Sister once asked me if we were Catholic or Prostitute?!
— Nicole Connell (@BradsMrs) September 12, 2018
23
Age 8 first overseas vacation announced to my mother in a packed solid dinning room in a rather loud & enthusiastic shrill “I’ve just seen the biggest testicles ever seen”… I can still see her raised eyebrows & rye smile now. I still smirk at the word tentacles
— Moira C. Delaney (@MoiraDelaney66) September 12, 2018
24
My pals 3 year old had first trip to cinema and full of joy told me his favourite bit of the trip was the cockporn! The what? I said. ‘popcorn! POPCORN!” Said my exasperated friend. Yes said the 3 year old “I love cockporn” … he told his nursery teacher, neighbour, and granny
— Galloping Catastrophe (@gallopingcatast) September 12, 2018
One person shared a misheard line from a popular film, which would have very much altered its reputation.
That line in Sound of Music where Maria runs to Mother Superior when she realizes she’s fallen for Cpt. Von Trapp-Mother Superior says “Maria, what is it you can’t face?” But with her accent, I swear it sounds like “Maria, what is it you c*nt face?”
— Brigit Michaela (@lilyvnshtp) September 12, 2018
https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/09/13/adults-misunderstanding-kids-questions-thread-did-not-know-needed-24-awkward/
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